Do you remember the last time you were rejected? How did it feel? Not the best of times I can imagine.
Rejection is a painful experience. Personally I always aim to try and find ways around it, so that I don’t have to experience the shitty feelings that accompany it.
But … as the age old saying goes there’s no shortcuts in life. Sucks. But true nonetheless.
Whilst there is no way to avoid it, there certainly are ways to manage it. I mean let’s face it guys we all want to move away from pain and towards pleasure right?
With that being said, I’ve compiled 3 simple tips that can help you manage and maybe even overcome rejection altogether one day. So here goes …
1. It’s not about you … ever!
I see a lot of good men getting hung up on being rejected. More often than not they blame it on themselves.
It’s never all about you…
I can relate. I was once like that. Being rejected crippled me. It made my day horrible and it most definitely is one of the worst feelings in the world!
Personally, I thought that there was no way for me to solve this. I was really close to throwing in the towel and accepting my lot in life until I learnt a crucial lesson in my acting class that altered my perception altogether.
Here I was in an old run down building in the middle of town on a Wednesday night. I didn’t think much of this acting course, because it was cheap and I joined it just to learn how to gain leads into the industry itself.
The trainer was not one of the best I must say. But that night he said something that struck me like lightning.
I was asking him about auditioning techniques and how to score higher in auditions.
After lecturing me with the standard response, he casually mentioned that sometimes there are things that I can’t control.
Things that I can’t control … That made me curious.
I asked him to explain.
He said that I could be the best actor in the world, but if the casting director just came from his mother’s funeral, then he’s going to emotional and make rash decisions and have his judgement impaired.
This little bit of insight, got me reflecting on all my interactions. I thought I had been smooth, suave and by the book. But… what if just moments before me speaking with her she is informed of bad news.
Naturally it’s going to affect the whole conversation and no matter how witty, funny or smart I am she’s going to want to end the conversation and be left alone.
The next time you get rejected, don’ beat yourself up. Understand that it’s not about you. It’s never about you.
Take a moment and see if your actions had anything to with it. If you find that you messed up, well there’s always next time and you can rectify the mistake.
But if you can’t seem to understand why you got rejected, remember there are somethings that you just can’t control…
2. Manage your expectations
Be honest and be real with yourself. A lot of men out there set the bar way too high for themselves.
DO you lift?!!
They expect to be able to learn some fancy technique or routine online and be able to attract ANY woman whom they meet.
More often than not this approach gets them labelled as weirdos and they go home lonely, depressed and defeated.
I do know of some dating coaches out there who claim to be able to attract and get any woman they set their eyes on.
To me that’s a whole load of bullshit! It’s not realistic. Certain ladies will be attracted to you and certain ladies won’t.
Just like the old saying, “ different strokes for different folks.”
The best thing you can do when it comes to setting your expectations during your first date is to expect nothing more than to enjoy the evening discovering who she is and what makes you interested in her.
Don’t try too hard to charm her during the first meet. It puts unnecessary pressure on you. Treat the first meet/date like a casual two way “interview” where you get to know a little bit more about each other.
By doing this, you’re not putting all your hopes on that first date. You minimize the risk of rejection and hey if rejection does happen at least it’s not so bad, because your not overly emotionally invested in it.
3. Re frame your thinking
Change your thoughts and your world will change around you. We are governed by our thoughts and fueled by our emotions.
Our thoughts often dictate what we do and how we do things. Especially when it comes to going out on a date or meeting an attractive lady for the first time.
The brain goes into hyper drive. Feelings of excitement, anxiety and anticipation flow endlessly through our bodies.
We say and do things to win her favor in hopes that she won’t reject us. This approach puts a lot of unnecessary pressure on us with the expectation to come out successful.
But what if we’re not successful? That’s when everything we’ve hoped for and dreamt off falls apart.
We begin to feel like crap and our whole day or sometimes even week is ruined!
Is it really worthwhile to feel that way? Not really if you ask me.
Here’s what you can do to fix it. It begins with reframing your mindset. Think of rejection as a necessary experience that will help you to achieve success quicker.
Learn from every rejection. Review what you think went wrong and then come up with plans to rectify and improve on it.
It’s easy to fall under the victim mindset and think yourself as unworthy whenever you face rejection.
But if you take the effort to train yourself to think otherwise, feeling hurt, depressed or disappointed after being rejected will be a thing of the past.
You must be wondering, can this really work? My answer to you is, if you never try you’ll never know.
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